Sunday, 1 April 2007

German Scientists Unveil New Malt-Based High Carb Recovery Drink

Sunday, April 1, 2007
Wolframs-Eschenbach, Germany

A new generation of German bicycle racers is making its presence known and it appears that more than talent and good training are involved. Recent news from Germany indicates that science has taken a hand as well.

Researchers at the Max-Planck-Bier-Forschung-Institut in Wolframs-Eschenbach in Bavaria announced today that extensive laboratory work has resulted in a specially-formulated malt-based high-carbohydrate recovery drink for athletes. Prof. Dr.-Ing. Philipp Canzler, head of the multi-disciplinary group that conducted the intensive research, described the new drink as isotonic, fat-free, and with no added sugar, providing an excellent source of rehydration. Other members of the successful team included Prof. Lorenz Kessler, Dr. Rolf Bomann and Dr.-Ing. J. Marx. Dr. Bomann believed that the attractive taste of the recovery drink will, in his exhaustive evaluation, make its acceptance universal. The only side effect noted so far on test subjects has been a temporary reduction in IQ but this is not seen as significant for athletes.

The new recovery drink is administered in one liter doses
(click on image for genuine scientific sound effects)

The as-yet-unnamed drink holds enormous potential, enabling endurance athletes in particular to recover quickly. The drink is already believed to have been used extensively by Faris Al-Sultan, German winner of the 2005 World Ironman Championship in Kona, Hawaii. In 2004 and 2006 another German, Normann Stadtler, also won this prestigious event. Coincidence?

Normann Stadler

The recovery drink, its inventors claim, is all-natural in origin although details of its ingredients have not been released until intellectual property in the product is confirmed. It is believed that crushed flowers make up part of the formula, as unlikely as this may sound. Following the recent doping scandals in professional sport, Prof. Dr-Ing. Canzler assures us that the recovery drink will meet all international regulations.

It appears the recovery drink is already in use in track racing

When provided samples of the new recovery drink, Mr. Pat McQuaid, the president of the UCI, the international cycling governing body, chuckled appreciatively then offered to fight every man in the room.

1 comment:

Freight Train said...

Herr Bohmann denies consulting on this study. This sounds like an "Operation Beero" set-up. The UCI will change their ruling and implicate everyone involved, just because they can! There will be no Tour de Alsace, no MOM. Retirement and financial ruin will be incurred by all the unjustly accused. One of the accused will also be expelled to Canada.